WOOD DUCK SHMUCK

Int. daytime an old seafood processing plant built back in the 60's located



in Nantuckett. (slow part of town complete with old New



England fisherman that smell of geniune rotting



kelp.








Act One - You probably wonder why Russell Peacock is hanging out in an


old seafood processing plant...Well, it's because he got a damn


good deal on it...besides it's none of your business anyway. Who


do you think you are, judging someone like the Peacock. You ego


maniacs...you make me not even want to tell the damn story! Ok


I am going to tell this story, against my better judgment, but


don't piss me off or I will have security throw you and your face-


book friends off of my web-site never to return. Where was I?...


Oh yeah Russell Peacock is hanging out...Nooooo...The Pecock is


working in a broken down old seafood processing plant. Russell


is in the business of wholeselling adult penguins to large zoos


around the world, and today is a very special day because he is


waiting on some jackass that is supposed to be stopping by with a


gross of fresh penguins for half price. Russell Peacock has already


been making plans for the HUGE profit he is about to make. The


Peacock's mumbling to himself..."I can't wait...I am going to


purchase a ferrari, a bass boat, a new kitchen, a foot massager, a


Russian supermodel, and a brand new BIG house for my mama,


because Elvis bought his mama a brand new house...and I refuse


to let Elvis screw me up by making me look like a cheap bastard



in front of my mama. (Just as Russell Peacock is day-dreaming he hears



a knock on the giant rusty weather-torn door) He knows it's the penguin



shipment...because he can smell these well dressed little bastards. Let's face



it, penguins always look like they're headed somewhere...somewhere



formal...the oscars perhaps, or maybe even an exclusive dinner with the



world's elite...nevertheless our very own Russell Peacock is never invited,



and that pisses him off. He opens the door with great excitement, yet



reluctant that these strange birds of well dressed wonder have a more



fullfilling social life than he...and it pisses him off. (Yes it's true...the



Peacock is a manic depressive individual, yet very talented, even genius,



some maintain).





Act Two - Russell Peacock opens the door, and to his amazement, there

were five trucks literally packed to capacity with screaming

"penguins"...not screaming because they were being harmed in

some fashion, but rather screaming because they were just plain

pissed off because they were captured like mere...hey wait a

minute Russell mumbles to himself, "There's something rotten

in Denmark, or Detroit, or Delaware...However that saying goes.

There is a giant 7 foot delivery man with what appears to be

cranberry stains on his...hey wait a minute those aren't cranberry

stains...those are fake blood stains, made with karro syrup...

which is what we used to create blood for the filming of "Karate

Joe"...It was a lot of fun observing those lone wolves as they tried

kicking the Peacock's ass. Why would these delivery yoyo's

want to just drop these poor penguins off without their penguin

chow, penguin treats, and last but not least penguin toys...Let's

face it...no self respecting penguin is going venture out without

their favorite toys.



Act Three - The penguins got real quiet all of the sudden...it was as though

the furry well dressed little funny guys could sense that they

were in the presence of greatness...the pressence of Russell

Peacock. He motions to have the trucks just drive right in to his

rusty old broken down seafood processing plant. Russell

hooked up a real old conveyor belt to the opening at the lower

right side of the first truck. The penguins lined up like just

like people used to line up for the E-TICKET rides at old school

Walt Disney World. The suspense is building and so is the

Peacock's blood pressure...if he could just have a nice big

Chiquitta Banana...It's the best in the business...Chiquitta...

there is no substitute. The penguins begin to march off the

truck and down the conveyor belt right into the loving arms of

Russell Peacock. The Peacock is all smiles and happy as hell,

when all of the sudden the happiness gives way to the loudest

QUACK you would ever want to hear...It wasn't just any quack,

it was the unmistakable quack of the illusive yet somewhat

entertaining New Hampshire Wood Duck. The Peacock collapsed...

ok he didn't collapse, he merely tripped over an old coffee pot, but

he's ok. Russell grabs a couple of the ducks that are now running

rampid all over the Peacock complex literally scared to death because

the jig is up, and the Peacock is pissed. He inspects the ducks...and

close up he can see that the supplier is a lieing fraudulant individual...

he took a gross of friendly unsuspecting New Hampshire Wood Ducks,

manipulated their spines so they would stand at attention just like

real penguins, then proceeded to spray paint them black and white,

so the poor water foul would also look like real penguins, then this

goofball shoved chewing gum in their mouths so they would be unable

to make a sound while he played sound of real penguins through loud

speakers hidden in the bed of the trucks, QUACK, QUACK,

and the adventure continues...